A Mother Worries Because a Piece of Her Heart is Always With Her Children

You gave me such anxiety after you were born. 

Your birth experience did not help and made it worse than it was with your brother, but the postpartum anxiety was higher with you.

I broke the rules and had you sleep in the bed with me or in my arms in the rocking chair. I didn’t trust that that bassinet next to my bed was close enough.

I wouldn’t let anyone else feed you for fear that you’d choke.

Anytime you’d start gagging, coughing, or just straight up stop breathing, I’d have a phone in my hands ready to call 911.

The water in your bathtub was much lower for fear you’d drown.

I held you close to me for fear this world would break you or, worse, that I’d lose you.

It was easier when you were in my womb, all safe and secure from the rest of the world.

Yes, anxiety was high with you; Mommy forgot to hand it all over to God.

A mama can’t help but get anxious when her little one enters this big, scary world.

But it doesn’t stop there, she’ll continue to worry.

When you go off to school.

When there’s bullies on the playground.

When you get your driver’s license.

When you go on your first date or you’re staying out past curfew.

And finally, that day when you move out on your own and there’s really nothing in her control anymore.

So while anxiety was higher with you in the beginning, I know there will always be something to worry about when it comes to you. 

I’ll continue to pray to God to put my anxious heart to rest and to trust Him. But I know, as a mother, I will always worry to some extent. 

Because a little piece of my heart goes with you wherever you go, my sweet child.