Lord, How Many Times Did I Turn Away From You?

How many times did I drown out the sound of Your voice with the crying of more tears?

How many times did I blindly walk into the wrong decision without looking up to You first?

How many times did I turn away from Your embrace as I turned a wrong corner and into sin?

How many times, Lord?

How many times was I too tired and weary to continue? I would forget that You never stop working; You are always working for me.

How many times did I look at my own children and forget the blessings that You’ve given me?

How many times did I take too much for granted and was constantly seeking more and never satisfied?

How many times, Lord?

How many times did I look to others and to society before looking to Your Word for all the answers to my deepest longings?

How many times did I fail to see the signs You gave me as I had multiple paths in front of me?

How many times, Lord?

Too many to count, is all I know.

Too many times I doubted You and questioned whether You existed.

Too many times I ran from You and into my own selfish desires.

Too many times I was guilty of living less and less like Jesus.

Too many times did I let my sins become feelings of unworthiness which then kept me from You.

But like a child returning home, I am back in Your loving arms. I have had a lonely journey so far, but that journey has made me stronger. It has molded me into who You intend me to be.

I have grown more faithfully and I am now ready to serve to whatever You call me to.

I am now ready to listen and live out the purpose that You have planned for me.

I am ready to live more like Christ and spread Your Word and Your greatness.

I will now look to You before I look to others in the decisions of my life.

I will now look at my children and see the beauty of this life that You have given me.

And I think You knew this day would come. You knew that everything I had to go through would build me up for this, that it would build me up for Your purpose.

I’m here now, Lord, and ready to serve.

And I’m sure you are smiling down on me and saying, “Daughter, I never left you.” 

(This piece has been published by Her View From Home)