I Don’t Know a Lot Lately, But He Does
I’ve said “I don’t know” a lot lately.
When will I feel safe again having my children out and about and letting people get close?
I don’t know.
When will I feel safe letting them go back to daycare and me go back to work?
I don’t know.
Do I even want to go back to work right away or do I want more time with my kids before they’re in elementary school?
I don’t know.
When do we think we can eat out again so I can stop cooking? Every. Single. Night.
I don’t know.
My son’s birthday is coming up; do we think we’ll have a party or will it be virtual?
I don’t know.
When will I feel comfortable traveling again so I can go home to see my family?
I don’t know.
When is the next time I’ll get to aimlessly wander around Target while sipping a Starbucks?
I don’t know. (But boy, it breaks my heart with pumpkin spice season coming up!)
I just don’t know.
I’m a planner and I like control. I plan out my life years in advance and I’m the mom that starts planning birthday parties 6 months early. And for once in my life, I do not have a plan. (I also don’t like making big decisions either so this is all just too much to put on me!)
But what I do know is this.
I know this is the first time in a while that I’ve truly felt grace and have felt so grateful for what I do have.
I know I have never opened up my Bible this much in my life, like ever (honesty is the best policy).
I know that I’ve never had so much time to just sit back and watch my children play and giggle while I’m just grinning ear-to-ear at their laughter and joy.
I know that I have spent these past few months discovering my identity (besides my career and motherhood) and I’m truly grateful for that.
While there are a lot of unanswered questions right now in my life, there has been so much joy and gratitude during this season.
So for right now, I’m going to continue saying, “I don’t know” and not have a plan for once.
And I’m just going to continue saying my prayers to the One above that really knows what’s going on and trust in His plan.
