To My Premature Baby, You Taught Me to Expect the Unexpected

To my premature baby,

You were early and there was no sign that you were coming – no test or warning that I’d have an early baby – I just woke up one morning with my water breaking and high blood pressure.

You were an unexpected surprise the day you showed up.

I wasn’t expecting you for another month, so the car seat wasn’t installed yet.

I wasn’t expecting to have such a small baby, so I had to send your nana to find preemie clothes and diapers.

I wasn’t expecting that you wouldn’t be able to breastfeed and that I would exclusively pump.

I wasn’t expecting your weight to drop so much and to be told to feed you every two hours until it came back up. I wasn’t expecting such exhaustion from being up so frequently in the night and having to pump as well.

I wasn’t expecting that you would have jaundice and to be sent home with a bilirubin blanket. And then, having to make daily trips back to the doctor to prick your little feet to draw blood to check your levels.

I wasn’t expecting how much I’d love you.

Yes, above all, that was the biggest surprise, my little one.

My mother always told me there was no greater love, but I wasn’t expecting it to be so great. I didn’t know my heart would grow bigger.

Dear precious son, you taught me that life doesn’t always go as planned. You taught me to expect the unexpected and more importantly, you taught me to love with all my heart.