Am I Giving You Anxiety?

“Mommy, am I giving you anxiety?”

I chuckled as my son said these words. He was hyperactive at this moment, and to me, it sounded about right. 

But then I got to thinking . . . he’s heard that from somewhere before. He didn’t just make it up.

“Stop doing that, you’re giving Mommy anxiety.”

“Can you please be quieter, I can’t handle all the screaming. You’re making me anxious.”

“Get down from there, you’re going to hurt yourself. It’s giving me anxiety!”

Yeah, it’s something I’ve said a time or two (okay, maybe a lot). But then I realized, that’s not the response I should be taking. That’s not what I want my kids to think, and I surely don’t want them to believe they’re at fault for my anxiety. 

Because the truth of the matter is:

My kids don’t give me anxiety.

I have an anxiety disorder. 

Sure, there’s things they do that gets my heart racing, makes me tense, and overwhelms my mind with worry. But that’s not the source of my anxiety. I live with it every day. My kids could be perfect angels that never make a peep, and my anxiety will still somehow find its way into my day.

So, no, my sweet children–you do not give Mommy anxiety. Anxiety is something Mommy deals with, prays through, leans into God’s Word and His strength for, and takes medication for–every day. But you’re not the cause of that. You’re not to blame. Mommy’s mind can sometimes be up against her. It’ll tell me there’s something to worry about when in all actuality, there’s nothing to worry about at all (because God’s got it all in the palm of His hands after all). 

Anxiety is my own war in my mind, not my kids’ fault. 

Anxiety is my battle to be fought alongside God. 

Anxiety is just there some days . . . 

But it doesn’t define my motherhood journey.